“Clothed in strength and dignity, and laughs without fear of the future”

18 Oct

 

The header above is based on my most favorite verse ever! It is a passage coming from Proverbs 31:25. I can read it again and again and it never seems to get old for me. It basically sums up in one sentence the kind of woman I wish to be described as.

 

People who know me probably sees me as a fun girl; someone outgoing and ready to try new things. Well yeah, I guess I might be a little adventurous. I love to laugh and party and just have a good time. Deep inside, there is a side of me though that’s different. There’s a lot of fear going on and often times, I just worry too too much. I start to thinking to myself, “Surely everyone has a lot on their mind too, but I think that the rate I worry is going out of control!” I just have a strong feeling that my worrying could worsen, slowly it will start to hinder me from being the person that I really am. My prediction turned to be right. Without even realizing it, my fear was starting to get the best out of me. I may have noticed it at first, but sooner or later I started to question my friends, asking if my worries were normal or if there was just something plain wrong with me.

 

I grew up really blessed and fortunate to having the most loving family. I love my parents so much and I am so proud of how they raised me up! I love each and every one of my six siblings. They are all so much fun to be with. My mom has more of a carefree type of personality. My dad on the other hand is the worrying type. He says he got it from his mom who also worries about the most littlest things you would ever think of. So I thought to myself, “Hmm, so that’s it? It just got passed down to me?!” “And why didn’t any of it pass to my other siblings?!” I laughed!

 

Having anxiety in Psychology class, I started to think, “This should be really interesting. I might actually learn and answer questions to why or how I start to fear”. Then “boom!!” I had an epiphany! Of course I am normal! Worrying is super normal! It’s just that the more you dwell on it, the more that it worsens and clogs your mind; thus leading to more negative thoughts to worry about. Well, maybe subconsciously, I picked up a little negativity from my dad growing up with him. Hearing all his fears, maybe some of them were instilled on my mind. On the other hand, my fear of flying was probably because of watching too much Aircraft Investigation, and partly because of my siblings’ bad experiences. And maybe I get scared traveling alone because of all the scary movies like Taken. It also is a possibility that I had a hard time sleeping when I was in Australia because of the creepy bird sounds!

 

Yup, too much analyzing! Too much sensitivity to the things that do not have to make sense! So yeah, I am so young! I just have to take a deep breath, relax, and have the good ‘ole fun like I always do! No regrets because we can’t grow without learning and we can’t learn without living =) I am just going to forget about all the worries that could possibly happen and have faith!

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