What It’s Like

8 May

I have a beautiful friend in a coma, which I guess I didn’t really comprehend the gravity of until I got to the Philippine Heart Center to visit her.  

What it’s like.

What it’s like to touch someone you know, looking at her motionless body, wondering how deep the thoughts run in the recesses of her mind, trying to comprehend that at one point, her heart had stopped. That machines were helping her to keep going.

Coming to terms with the fact that you’re not a doctor, that you don’t understand, you can’t fix it, you can’t rewind, you can’t talk or pay or apologize or negotiate your way out of where she is.

I couldn’t talk to her because I’m confused and choked up, and if I try to speak, the tears will fog my glasses up, and my hands have been sanitized, so I won’t be able to take them off and clean them. 

I can’t because the mask I have over my mouth makes me even more unintelligible than I already am.

But I know it’s right to talk to her. And so I start softly, saying hi, it’s me.

I massage her swollen limbs. Fix her hair. Readjust the wet towel on her forehead.

And the more I talk, the more brazen I get, cracking jokes, telling her it’s Fashion Week next week, and that she better wake up because our manager is going to kick her butt if she doesn’t.

But that really only makes me cry.

And then I try to tell her that if she’s tired, it’s okay, rest. But not too long. Her two little children don’t know what’s going on, they think Mama is modeling somewhere.

We had a meeting with her children one day and our whole model family. While sitting with her children, and our Cal Carries family I realized how it would suck to be her child. I mean, i lost my mom for years, but she was still alive and finally met her one day. But losing my mom forever? it’s heartbreaking! 

As we were all talking we all realized Christine was “superwoman”, she did everything. She was a model, host, vj, actress, business woman, and a mom. She did all of that at the same time. She’s a workaholic, she never stops working. 

Why do people get sick just by having too much stress? She smokes to get all the stress out but it actually doesn’t. It made her body weaker.

What it’s like.

Seeing the future pan out in super high speed. The possibilities for these influencers, the core of the energy source, the youth, this group, the ones that will soon dictate the beat.

What we are willing to pay. The price of passion. “Keep talking”, I want to tell the guys. “Her heart rates are going up.” I have faith that we all will. I am beginning to recognize that the sharing of all of this…movement, passion, communication, feelings, that is life.

So I will keep talking. I will keep writing. Because though it’s easy to become listless and self-absorbed, insecure and unmotivated, you never know whether or not something you’re sharing is pumping life into someone.

-Genille Velasquez

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